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September 25, 2012 8:17 pm

NEW RULE by Bill Maher (5/25/12):

Bill Maher finally got around to Ted Nugent in his final New Rule of the night (5/25/12), but used the rocker’s recent tirade against President Obama to ask the larger question about conservative outrage over the president.”


TRANSCRIPT:

Ted Nugent has to tell me what Obama has done that he’s so mad about, so I have something to be happy about.

Now I refer to the famous proclamation Mr. Nugent made last month when he said that if Obama is re-elected, it would be such an unthinkable catastrophe, that he, Ted, would either be dead or in jail!  Or as I call it, a ‘Win-Win’.  

Now Ted went on to say that Obama leads a ‘vile, evil, America-hating administration, wiping its ass with the Constitution’…as opposed to Ted, who uses his hand.

Now, it somehow became an Article of Faith on the Right that Obama is the most extreme President is ‘the most extreme President in American History’….although when they say that, I think what they really mean is, ‘He’s Black.’

Let me give you some examples:

Newt Gingrich called Obama, ‘the most radical, leftist President in history.’

Senator Marco Rubio called him, ‘the most decisive figure in American History.

Michele Bachmann said, ‘Obama is the most radical President we have ever seen in the history of the country.’  And when has Michele Bachmann ever been known to misjudge a man?

John Bolton said, ‘Obama just doesn’t care about National Security.’

Honestly there are Mexican Drug Mules who don’t pull this much stuff out of their ass.

And my question is, how can this same guy, Barack Obama, make THESE people feel like America has changed so completely, and yet make ME feel like it’s barely changed at all.

I travel all over this country doing stand-up, and since Obama has been President, WHAT?  It’s still the exact same Kentucky Fried Country it has always been.  I see it!  People driving their cars to the mall, buying stupid shit, stuffing their faces, taking pictures.  The only difference is we bump into each other more, because we’re all texting!

We haven’t lost our freedoms!  I’m pretty sure the only thing Obama has killed are Bin Laden and Donald Trump’s last shred of dignity.

If Obama were as radical as they claim, here’s what he would have already done:

Pulled the troops out of Afghanistan

Given us Medicare for All

Ended the Drug War

Cut the Defense Budget in half

And turned Dick Cheney over to The Hague.

Here’s what Obama actually did:

He cut taxes and spending.  Look at this graph: 

These bars show the Growth and Federal Spending for each President.  Obama’s at the bottom.  Yes, the black man’s is the shortest.  

He didn’t go on a spending spree.  He didn’t break up the ‘Too Big to Fail’ banks.  They’ve only gotten bigger, and “failier”.

That’s not what Liberals wanted, that’s what Conservatives wanted.

At the 28th Convention, Sarah Palin chanted, ‘Drill Baby Drill’.  Under Obama there’s more drilling than ever.

That’s not what Environmentalists wanted, that’s what Conservatives wanted.

Obama spent most of last year conceding the Republican premise that Government needed cutting.

That’s not what Progressives wanted, that’s what The Tea Party wanted.

The Dow was at 7949 when he took office.  Now it’s 12,000 and over.  Corporate profits are at their highest ever.

If he’s a socialist, he’s a lousy one. He could not be less threatening if he was walking home with iced tea and skittles.

So the question remains.  How can you guys be so UNhappy with Obama when I’M so unhappy with Obama?  You think you got coal in YOUR stocking?  I wanted Single-Payer Health Care, a Carbon Emissions Bill, Gun Control, and Legalized Pot!  If YOU get to carry around all this outrage over me getting that shit, shouldn’t I have GOTTEN it?

So, just admit it.  This isn’t about what Obama IS.  It’s about what you need him to be, because hating HIM is what gets you up in the morning.

And, Ted, you don’t have to fear what happens if the Democrats are re-elected, because they don’t have any ideas anyway.  I can understand your paranoia that they have a ‘Secret Plan’, because they sure as shit don’t have a public one.  Can anyone tell me what the Democrats want to do?  The best I can come up with is, ‘Elect Us.  We’re lame, but the other guys are nuts.’” ~ Bill Maher

June 5, 2012 8:51 pm